how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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