Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
