I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
