so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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