I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
