She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
