Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
