Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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