when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
