yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She even gives head with a lisp.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
