She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Omg I joined a choir last night...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
