she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize