Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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