you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize