My sheets look like a crime scene.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
