rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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