God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
