Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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