Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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