god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
