I just made out with a guy for $7.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
