Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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