I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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