Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A+ Viking dick
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