It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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