I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
