My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
