I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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