I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
