There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
