i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize