just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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