covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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