i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize