Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
