you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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