Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
