Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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