ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
