At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
