she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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