Capitaan dildo arrescate!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
