We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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