Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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