Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Drake has all the answers
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
