i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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