Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
