because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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