The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
