So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
