me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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