I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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