This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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