I haven't been this sober since birth.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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