Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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