Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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