They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
