So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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