I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
