Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
