So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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