ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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