as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
